Going thru the motions...

Haven't we all heard that saying before.

"I'm just going thru the motions"; or "I'm just going thru the emotions to make him/her happy"; or "this too shall pass".

I reckon more than anything we humanly go thru the motions all the time without realizing it. Maybe just "checking out" mentally in life or being passive is maybe the better way of putting it. 

I feel like as humans when hard circumstances or things we don't want to deal with or even things we can't control come our way we "uproot our mind or escape from reality" so we don't really have to handle it.

This is a terrible discipline and one I don't want to replicate.

I think essentially every time I do this the devil wins, so quickly in my life. I give up before I even realize that God has been with me the whole time, knew it was going to happen and purposed my steps thru the season already. 

In this song "I breathe you in, God" by Bethel Music there's one line in the bridge towards the end that says "when I don't understand, I will choose to love you God." 

Sometimes I'll be honest that's the only thing I can hold onto. Knowing that He has proven Himself to be good in my life and so very faithful. 

Let me encourage your heart and mine as seasons ebb and flow, oceans sweep and pull, changes are reality and control is not ours to hold. 

Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of a man plans His ways but the Lord establishes them."

What's your posture?

What’s your posture. The position you hold?

When the wind and waves blow firm and strong do your feet stay steady? Do they waver? 

Where do your roots fasten to? Have you ever thought about this?

It’s it interesting that things beneath the surface matter. 

We live in a day and age where the outer, upper above the ground, appearance is what matters. What people see is continually a concern for us.

I’ll be honest I struggle BIG TIME with perfection.

But what if we lived without that worry. Without the worry of the physical appearance, but that what we are personally disciplining ourselves to do and grow in, is what matters. And not only that, but that we would talk about it. Being vulnerable about the struggles of growth beneath the surface. 

I’m curious what that would look like.

I don’t know about you but I’m in constant battle with the flesh to continue the path of growth. To remind my soul that being pressed down deep into the soil of life, that the darkness, that the moisture is actually making us into something that grows with roots. That there's hope in the darkest of places, those places that feel hopeless they are only temporary.

Because eventually we will bust out of the darkest moments of life and sprout into a beautiful creative expression— of the Gardener who planted you in that darkness because He knew you’d grow and bloom in a beauty all your own. He’s been watering and tending to your needs all along.

All you've got to do is find good soil to grow roots in and let Jesus do that rest.

P S A L M  5 2 : 8 - 9

But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God.

    I will always trust in God’s unfailing love.

I will praise you forever, O God,

    for what you have done.

I will trust in your good name

    in the presence of your faithful people.

The unexpected undertow

I'm learning to appreciate the undertow. The moments unexpected that sweep you away in life. Sometimes to a magical place and other times a more raw and frankly ugly place.

I think it's because it reminds me I'm in the moment. Living fully alive. Completely engaged in whatever's at hand. It's emotional yes but its a process of maturing and essentially living.

But I'll be honest sometimes it makes me react in ways I don't like and I don't understand. 

But I know this, that I’m a piece of clay, broken at the seams for the beauty of redemption and the process of declaring the kindness of a Savior. 

I don’t deserve it, and I surely haven’t earned it- but somehow the creator of the universe still choose to entrust salvation in me at His death and chase after me with His love. 

Fears got no hold on me, never did, never will.

"I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst." -Lamentations 3:24-30 (MSG)

I pray you are encouraged to live into the smallest moments of your day; whether painful or sprinkled in joy - trusting the sovereignty of our God to grace you for whatever season you are journieing through. 

-jdw

Sizzled out joy

I think I’ve always lived by the saying “brace yourself as you fall”...often listening to the seemly obvious lies the devil plants in your mind to just eat away at any kinda of hope growth there is. Like the tiniest mineral of joy or the microscopic moment of heightened feelings of possibility.

It’s pretty sad when I think about it how long I’ve just let Satan put out the embers of hope in my life. Letting them simmer down to ash as I just continue on keeping my expectations at an unhealthy level. 

But what’s most interesting is I’ve got tons of hope and happiness for others but just not for myself. I’m kinda like the little peanuts character dragging his blanket around I’m just dragging my bag of low expectations and moments of disappointment. Basically like the reverse of Christmas.

I remember this one moment in college where I was at the lowest emotional place, where I had lost love and was letting Satan just steal all the little joys in my life to make me miserable all the time....and I found myself at a conference singing the chorus of a song that said “you are my joy” over and over and over again. Proclaiming Jesus as my joy repeatedly. And at that moment I could just feel the embers of years of flames of joy just start raging within me at a level that was so enthusiastic nothing could touch it. Nothing could steal it. No one could put it out.

The raging fire within was finally beating as steady flames again. Warming life, filling voids and bringing beauty out of the ashes of life.

This is where we start and the true authentic birthing of life should be lives. It's where we remember that Jesus conquered death and can surely conquer whatever your struggling with in whatever moment you find yourself.

I hope even if my words can't encourage you than this verse from Romans 8:26-28 will;

“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

-jdw

Steady Now, As You Go

If I've learned anything this past year it's been that life isn't at all what I expected.

Not necessarily awful really just unexpected on a lot of levels. But what's awesome about this is that in the unexpected, in the uncertainty and in the unexplainable realities I have had to lean heavy on Jesus, to lead me on. 

I've been reading this book by Madeleine L'Engle called "Walking on water"; um seriously this book is life changing. In her book she says:

"Stories, no matter how simple, can be vehicles of truth; can be, in fact, icons. It's no coincidence that Jesus taught almost entirely by telling stories, simple stories dealing with the stuff of life familiar to the Jews of his day. Stories are able to help us to become more whole, to become Named." 

It's not easy living our stories. But to be real honest there's no sweeter way to live, than in the constant need and desperation for your creator. Who named you, purposed you, and build you perfectly for this day and age. 

After praying and waiting on the holy spirit I've settled on my word for the year being; 

CONSTANT.

I'll be honest this has been the hardest year to pick a "word for the year"; in the last 3 years I've been through a lot of unexpected circumstances that have really tested my purpose and confidence in Christ. But through it all I've been able to see Jesus as my Captain leading my through the storms. 

For for 2017 I'm trusting and leaning heavy on Jesus to carry me through and be my one Constant in an ever changing world

Cascade with Praise

Today I've been thinking.

What would it like to praise God always all the time. The way David describes it all throughout the Psalms.

"Praise the Lord, my soul, all my inmost being, Praise His Holy Name!" Psalm 103

"To Cascade with Praise off my Lips." Psalm 119

To pour out praises overflowing.

To continuously worship. 

I wonder what that would be like. 

I think I wonder about it; because my soul craves it. 

So as I crave Him, and Him being Jesus, I will worship.

Until eternity I will seek. Until heaven I will seek.

-jdw 

Sleeping in Transition

I've been chewing on this thought for a few weeks now as I enter back into the writing world. 

Have I been sleeping in this crazy life transition?

The last two months really have been full of stress and change. Really normal stuff (moving houses, jobs, and life style) but it's felt like a heavy tent hovering over my head. And it came all at once. It felt like it was raining constantly on my tent in the middle of the forest and all I was trying to do was keep the holes from forming along the seams so I would stay dry and comfortable. 

I'm still kinda fresh in the unknown season really. The rain has died down and I'm feeling my way through the effects of decisions made by and for me. Some good, some I'm not so sure about, and most just realistic realities.

But I read this quote today and kinda pushed me to write this post:

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome." -Brene Brown

It's from this book I'm reading called "Rising Strong". I highly recommend it.

Brene talks about how we are all wired to tell our stories. To share in community the narrative of our lives. Apparently we actually crave hearing and sharing our stories as humans together.

To not be alone.

Pretty amazing thought. And I've actually realized it makes since.

And as I think about it usually when I'm inspired it's from; a book I've read about someone's life or a conversation I've had about someone's testimony or a revelation someone has had about their personal growth. Could also be advice from someone who's had a similar experience or just an encouragement in the chaos. 

Growing and living aren't always the easiest of things in life. And knowing my introvertedness is a part of who I am helps me feel ok with the realities I face and how I react to things.

So as I post this being vulnerable and courageous in not having control over life I'll leave you with this quote from C.S. Lewis. "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point."

I definitely don't have it all figured out (or even remotely really) but I know that I'm not alone in the tent pressured by rain. Jesus promised to be always with me and believe me I know He is here.

And the cool thing about Jesus is He can be with You just as much as with me at the same time.

-jdw

the perfect timing

Time has always been difficult for me. Understanding it in the world, balancing it in my life and planning for it in the future. 

It's the reality of life. The calendar that the world has established to ground people. 

But at an early age I knew it was important. It mattered to me how I ordered my time.

I remember when I was in middle school/high school I had a calendar planner always with me. I liked planning things to write into a spiral notebook that was ordered with boxes with numbers, times, and holidays. Reminders for birthdays, vacations and contacts. People in my life that I cared about.

Looking back at it now it ended up being more like a journal.

But when it comes to knowing God and trusting his timing I've found myself looking for a planner that he's written for me. That somehow he scripted something specific for me that I can access and read and assure myself of His plan and purposes for my life. 

It clearly doesn't exist in the format of what I expected but I believe the Bible is my best affirmation of God's faithfulness and promises to come. There are also the miracles and testimony of His consistency in my own life. 

And then there is the Holy Spirit, who is the filter in my everyday life, my peace, and my greatest treasure.

I've heard it said before "Hope shines brightest in the darkest and broken places." And I completely agree. I think in the times in our life that aren't planned in our calendar that's where we search for God with more awareness. The unexpected realities that we face become our greatest opportunity to see God move and lean on His promises.

I'm not the most positive of people but I preach this truth to myself daily.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

It's ok to lean heavy on Jesus, He can handle it and wants us to. 

-jdw

The Problem with Dreamers

It was about 2 years and 5 months ago; I was flying back to Florida moving home from the greatest season (so far); of my life. And as I was sitting in the airplane for 14 hours+ I thought to myself "how and where do I go from here".

It had been a long time dream of mine to visit Sydney, Australia, particularly Hillsong Church. To attend their Leadership College and live and learn from people I had admired so much from a distance. 

So I worked hard for a year, sold everything (even my car), saved, and moved across the world. I set out with a dream in my heart, adventure on my mind and great expectations for what God was doing to do with and in me.

I planned to stay 1 year and God planned for me to stay for 3 years. 

In those 3 years; I learned biblical foundations of leadership and how to serve the church well. I met the most amazing friends who encourage me and have given me a big reason to travel the world (to see them all)! And in my 3rd year I interned under an incredible women who taught me to encourage the potential in people, that I could be creative with pretty much anything and above all pursue Jesus in everything that I do. 

It truly was life changing.

But when I landed back in the states. I was stuck with the question...

well what's next....

How do I top that experience?  

I tried for months to answer this question in action. I put together my resume, references, and reached out to people I thought that could connect me where I thought I wanted to go. I reached really high and wide because I refused to stop dreaming with the potential that was instilled in my over this season.

But there wasn't much response to what 'jen had plans for' and the question still lingered...how do I transition from such an incredible season of life into the next? What if I have to get a "normal job" rather than one that involves the gifting and things I've learned from the last season at Hillsong College.

Well...I know I ramped this post up to this point but basically...

I don't have all the answers to these questions. And I certainly didn't find the last 2 years of my life to be this mountain top experience that trumps everything else. 

But I know one thing.

I love Jesus, and seek to keep him in full focus of all I do.

And thru Him I love people. I'm involved in church, and look to encourage people's potential in my everyday.

Yes I still have big dreams, Yes I still have big plans, but I've learned to cherish the little things, and to Stay where God has placed me instead of running to where 'I' think 'I' am called to be when life gets hard and my expectations are shattered.

It's not easy. But I believe there is a special grace for every person in every season.

I guess as a dreamer myself I'll always struggle with the reality of seeing big possibilities and not being able to achieve them all promptly.

But I'll be honest I'd rather be in the center of what God is doing Right Now then achieve my dreams quickly. 

Here is a verse that has encouraged my heart thru this season.

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 5:3-5

I truly pray that you find your purpose in pursuing Jesus not your plans.

The Best Is Yet To Come.

-jdw

Re-lat-able

What does it mean to be more relatable? 

This is something that I find myself pondering all the time. I'll be honest...awkward situations 'aren't my jam'. I don't like feeling out of place...lost...in the wrong place...confused...misunderstood...etc.

Basically I like feeling confident and understood.

->Those are the two attitudes I feel like the best me comes out.  

So as I got to thinking about it I realized the answer to the bulk of this is really simple;

LOVE PEOPLE

....and be genuinely interested in them and their lives. Making space and time for them in your everyday life. Who knew that caring about someone else could be so simple but so profound.

In a world that thrives on the next 'notification' you get on your phone, or the next movement that gets the most recognition online I think we need to get realistic that if our people skills are lacking because of social media it's only because we aren't being vulnerable enough in real life. 

I mean when is the last time you went some where to shop in a store instead of online and talked to the person running the register. Or when is the last time you just struck up a conversation at the local coffee shop or starbucks when you were in line to get your morning cup of Joe? 

Coming from an introverted person herself it takes work. Yeah generally my humanity says "I don't really want to take the initiative" but let me tell you if we don't start genuinely caring about each other we are gonna loose the blessing of living in community and building each other up in love. 

You never know what God is going to use in someone's life to bring them back to Him.

Let's keep our heads up and our eyes open for opportunities in our everyday normal lives to be relatable and loving to the people God has placed in our town, our city, and our generation.

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25

From Servant to Surrender

If we were to spend time together you would quickly realize that I really enjoy helping people. Finding ways to bless others, fix problems or just keep the peace in life I'm all about it. 

{acts of service is one of my love languages for sure}

I'd also say I'm considerably a relatable person and as I was reading the story of Mary and Martha I'd definitely say I naturally relate to Martha in Luke 10;

 "Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”   Luke 10:38-42

I can completely hear myself saying those same things...in that situation. I can easily see the task at hand and forget all about the people involved or the blessing that is sitting in my living room that I haven't engaged with. 

But may I just tell you this is where being in great community has blessed and encourage me into becoming a better follower of Jesus in pursuit of surrender more than servanthood. Let me encourage you seek out friendships that challenge your character and love you thru every season. 

And now; I'll tell you yes, I still serve my socks off. Helping people is just a part of who I am. But in those moments where I serve or sit I remember the story about how Mary received the greater blessing or the "good portion" by stopping, sitting and being in the presence of Jesus at His very feet.

I don't ever want to miss out on knowing God more and soaking in His presence. He is the truest satisfaction in life and I can't get enough. 

So as you move and live life in a world full of chaos remember that the very one that created you is aways working, always revealing and eager to meet with you. Whether your personhood relates to Mary or Martha Jesus still wants to connect with you. 

Your pursuit for Christ might look different than others but so will your surrendering to Jesus.

Worship is God's secret weapon

Now more than ever I believe that worship is God's secret weapon. 

-> It's the unexpected weapon of choice because it doesn't involve force it requires surrender at the very beginning. <-

Doesn't make since to the logical mind but it communicates clearly to the soul, where God brings definition and satisfaction that you were created to understand and crave.

It's safety, it's a taste of eternity, and it's intimacy of a greater measure.

As a worship leader in the local church and in life I believe more than ever that we can't be passive about meeting with Jesus regularly. In the secret of our daily lives and corporately we must pursue Him honestly and aggressively.

-->> For our own health and to give testimony to the world of who our God is. <<--

Psalm 51:16-17 "Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." 

This is what 2016 is for me. Waiting in a posture of surrender for God to move and following his presence closely and with expectation. 

I pray you take a moment to worship either thru this song below or of another source and make space to meet with your Creator. He's always waiting to meet with you.

Spirit Move by Kalley Heiligenthal official lyric video from Have It All. Get it on iTunes: http://bit.ly/HIAiTunes Get it on our website: http://bethelmusic.com/albums/have-it-all

seas and storms

Been praying a lot about this season of my life. Wondering, pondering the steps I've taken in certain directions past and present. The learnings, the successes and the failures. What is the posture I've carried thru it all of seeking Christ no matter the situation or cost? or has perceptive killed my faith in God's goodness? 

Today I was reading in Mark 4 where Jesus and the Disciples set sail together and a storm came upon them.

"On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”    [Mark 4:35-41 ESV]

From what I read it was a really big storm and a very stressful situation. I surely would be just as concerned and uncomfortable as the disciples were. That last verse 41 where the humanity of Jesus is questioned is completely relatable to me. I can't even imagine the power of that moment where Jesus responds in action with calming the storm as the disciples had asked. The disciples get to see in real time God in the flesh save them for a purpose. 

And all in just 6 verses.

I often remind myself in my own everyday life where things aren't the way I had hoped, or when a storm arises that causes me stress, or when I start to get frustrated that things aren't going my way....that the simple truth is 

Jesus sees me, He knows me, He is for me & is always purposed in what He does and has planned.

Usually it still doesn't fix whatever is troubling me immediately or make me just smile and move on in a better personhood...but it does push me to press into Christ in the circumstance and know that He is good, always good. And it often causes me to crave His presence more and be expectant on Him to move whatever the weather.

I can't imagine life without the hope of Christ that purposes the storms and chaos of this life. Doesn't make it easy...but He makes it eternally worth it. 

Just think what He could do in 6 verses of your life...or even less.

what i love about holland

Holland you are a beauty all your own.

I love every details from your cobble stone streets to your architectural design to your canals filled with boats. To your street artist's to your tiny cars to your cheese shops and museums. Every little block in Amsterdam looks the same yet I love it. So many places to wander so many quaint spaces to explore. 

I even love the hazy 6 degree (celsius) weather.

this is my favorite picture because it is so real life...trying to take a photo in the freezing wind........I love this girl Suze. 5 years of friendship and counting. 

I'm so loving this trip. now off for a day full of local Amersforrt fun. 

bikes, canals and amazing design in Amsterdam! 

xo jen

Something to inspire...

Someone I look up to in a large way is Jeremy Cowart.  

His innovate creativity has pushed me to think outside the box especially in film. 

This is his testimony in video form. 

I love the message, I love that he pushes creative borders and I love that he is authentic.

I really hope it speaks to your heart and encourages you to .

happy wednesday

finding my footing.

I'm not sure about you but I have to plan into my weeks "space to create" or sometimes I call it "jen time". 

And in this time I can be creative, write, sing, work on a project, read, run, paint, research new adventures...etc.

Basically do things that encourage my heart, and reaffirm my footing in Christ, refresh my mind, and create space to begin again in a positive way.

A while back I learned that my love language was; acts of service. I learned real quickly that I was giving so much {to good things really like church events, family time and friends} that it was affecting my personhood. I was so exhausted all the time because I never found space to recharge and refresh. I liked to be needed and helping people was reaffirming myself at an unhealthy volume. 

Reminds me of a verse in Psalm 11:25 "and one who waters will himself be watered." 

The older I get one of the most important revelations I've had is plan "rest and time to be watered" into my everyday life....or I'll never do it and not function at a healthy capacity.

If you want to read the book "The Five Love Languages" or take a quiz on the 5 Love Languages check out this link.

Leave a comment with your love language and thoughts on it if you like :) 

Word for the year

Every year I pray for God to give me a word for the year. Something to help purpose my steps for the direction he is leading me in life and ministry. So I thought I'd share:

My word for this year 2016 is Movement. 

My prayer is that everyday, in whatever I do that I would be apart of what God is doing. Growing in the knowledge of Christ and moving closer to him knowing and understanding him move. To be a surrendered vessel of His grace and love with open hands and an eager heart to serve and others. To be apart of something bigger that's authentically seeking Christ.

"In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, “‘For we are indeed his offspring." Acts 17:28

I felt this verse really speaks to these thoughts and will encourage my daily life, so I'm going to memorize it to be a healthy reminder.

All in all I hope this encourages the start of 2016 for you.

So here we go...

I often find myself coming up with creative ideas or things that I never end up doing. 

I often find a song, a blog, a photograph, a film, a piece of art that someone else creates that inspires me and want to share it.

I often write things that never get heard.

I often find myself wondering about life and the goodness of God. 

I often travel and keep a photo journal. 

I often think if the internet is meant to connect people in community how am I doing that?

...........this is my attempt to doing some of these things.

>>hope you find some encouragement here in something authentic.